I Love Your Stupid Face: A Non-Fiction Story

I am the proud parent of two kids, but let's be frank, sometimes kids are jerks. When my daughter, Emery was three years old, she was as mean to me as a spoiled rich kid in the movies.

Hawaii, the Dream Vacation for Someone Else

I dug my toes in the soft white sand. To my left, the ocean with clear blue water. To my right, mountains fuzzy with vegetation. It was beautiful, and I couldn't help but feel guilty because I knew that it wasn't my dream vacation. But let me rewind.

To start off, I want to say that this was a fantastic vacation. My sister-in-law is an incredible host. She planned nearly every single thing that we did during our time in Hawaii based off of a wishlist that we provided.

Carnival Freedom Day 3 (My Birthday)

December 21^st, 2015 (My 36^th Birthday)

Today, like most days, I woke up earlier than the rest and went to the Habana Club to write. After writing for about an hour, two little kids jumped out at me, yelling “Happy Birthday!” While I went to the room to change clothes, Leigha took the kids to get some breakfast. After I found them, I got some food as well. By the time that I had gone through the line to have an omelet made, it seemed like I missed my chance to have breakfast with my family. The worst part of a cruise is probably the lines. There are always hundreds of other people that want to do the same thing that you are planning on doing.

After breakfast, we left the ship for the first time. We were at Cozumel. The last time that we were on a cruise, it also ported in Cozumel, and it was my least favorite port. I thought of it as a port where everything was haggled for. “Hey, what’s your name? Hey pretty lady, would you like some jewelry? Hello family, let me show you something.” On top of that, the last time we were here, we left the port to walk the streets of commercialism in search of a free charm that was provided by being on the cruise.

Carnival Freedom Cruise Day 2

December 20, 2015

Today I woke up at 4:15 thinking that it was much later than it was. At the time, I put some clothes on, grabbed my laptop and went to the Leto deck to look outside and do some writing. It was great being on a ship filled with thousands of people but not seeing other tourists. So instead of immediately writing, I started walking around the ship, exploring and finding shortcuts.

I walked through the different dining areas. I found an arcade with games that were bolted to the ground. There were claw games that you could win electronics. I wondered how low the probability of winning these expensive items was to keep it profitable. There were a few flying games that were fully immersive. One of them, you sit inside a pod and have screens bend around you to make it visually impossible to see anything else. As I sat down watching the demo, I started to feel a bit queasy. It may have had something to do with the ship moving as well. 

Carnival Freedom Cruise Day 1

December 19, 2015

Although it was a Saturday, today started like any other school day. The whole house was up by 6:00 a.m. and going through the routine. Shower, breakfast, brush teeth and out the door by 7:30. Instead of getting backpacks ready, we had suitcases. The kennel that Dude (our dog) is staying at during our vacation didn’t open until 8:00, and we had a four-hour drive ahead of us. We pulled up at 7:59. Emery helped me bring Dude inside and held him while I filled out the regular paperwork. She told me that she missed him as soon as she left.

Leigha woke up anxious and nervous. She was afraid that we were going to arrive at the vet and they wouldn’t have our reservation on file or the down payment that I had made over the phone. When I got back in the car, Leigha was able to check off one more thing from a never-ending list of things that need to be done. As we started driving, I could see her looking up into her mind, scrolling through her checklist, worrying that she forgot to do something.

“We’re packed. Dude is dropped off. We’re on our way,” I said. The farther we got from home, the more she relaxed, either confident that we had done everything or appeased by the fact that it was too late to do something about the as-yet thing that we inevitably forgot to do.

The Writer: A Water Balloon That Plays With Fire

Being a writer is like being a water balloon with holes poked in it. For each hole, you can let a story escape. If you start too many stories without finishing, you’ll drain yourself.  If you don’t let the stories out, you may explode. A good writer can write about anything. They can be given a mundane topic and make it interesting. They can talk about what they know and make up what they don’t. A creative writer can make the story interesting in a way that you never expected.

Have you ever woke up from a dream and thought that it was a fascinating story? Then when you try to tell somebody else about the story, it ends up being uninteresting or confusing. This is what it’s like to be a writer. Every. Single. Time.

The Writer's Lease

Last week, I started my new job as a writer. By this, I mean that I get to sit at home and play pretend. I can make up anything that I want. I talk to myself to hear if written conversations sound real. I get to flesh out stories that have been lingering for more than a decade. I get to work my dream job. But how did this happen? What does it mean to turn a dream into a reality? This blog is meant to be a writer’s journal. Because I can’t post what I am working on, I will mostly be talking about the writing process. My hope is that people can follow me from being an unpublished writer to an author.

When my wife, Leigha agreed to let me pursue a career as a writer, it came with several stipulations. First,

Run A 5k

When I was born, I was broken. I had a club foot, and I used it as an excuse. When I was a kid, I didn't have excuses for anything. As a baby, I climbed stairs with a pair of shoes that were connected with a metal bar. I didn't know any different. When I was thirteen, I had reconstructive surgery and had to learn how to walk again. That was when I started to use my club foot as an excuse to be a lazy teenager that didn't get a job and stayed home playing video games. I used my foot as an excuse to not get a driver's license until I was twenty years old. I used my foot as an excuse to not run, because it would hurt. By running a 5k, I would eliminate all excuses and just run.

An Argument For Same-Sex Marriage

Those of you that know me or have gotten to know me from this blog, it is safe to say that I am extremely laid-back and don't get upset or offended by much. But this is a different type of thing that I've ever posted before. With the Supreme Court reviewing same-sex marriages in the US, it is an even hotter topic than usual. Let me give you a back-story to how this post originated, as much of it is in response to this article and these people's comments. It started when I posted this on Facebook:

When I first saw this, I thought to myself "they aren't gay." Then I realized that they were talking about bi-racial marriages. I am glad that it never seemed weird to me that this couple could be married. I have several bi-racial cousins, and when I was a kid, my best friend's dad was gay. I never thought of these as my "black cousins" or my friend's "gay dad." They were just friends and family. My dad is old enough to remember segregated bathrooms/drinking fountains, etc. but the thought of such a thing is absurd to me. A lot can change in one generation. I hope that when my kids are my age, they think of same-sex marriages the same way that I saw this bi-racial couple. Just two people in love.

Win a Sweepstakes

Within the last five months, I have won ten different sweepstakes. Let me start off by differentiating between a sweepstakes and a contest. A Sweepstakes is a random drawing that is completely won by luck. A contest is won as an accomplishment based on merit. Sweepstakes are an embodiment of the American Dream. You can win something for doing nothing more than filling out a form with your name, address and by living within the United States. A contest requires more active participation. For these you need to submit the best picture, recipe, description or essay. If you are skilled and willing to work a little harder, contests are easier to win due to the number of entrants. I think of myself as skilled and NOT willing to work harder, so I stick mostly to sweepstakes. I’m not really interested in writing a well-thought out essay as to why I prefer this brand of toilet paper or why these are the best insoles and how this battery has changed my life. Therefore, I primarily stick to sweepstakes.

Go To A Shooting Range

Before this excursion, I had never shot a gun in my life. That is, unless you count the BB gun that my brother got when he was thirteen. By the time that I got to shoot that gun, the barrel was bent and a BB ricocheted off of the garage that I had a target propped against and hit me in my shoulder. As a kid, I spent a lot of time home alone.  My worst fear was to have somebody attempt to break into the house while I was home. I would have imaginary knife fights while jumping off of the couch. When somebody eventually broke into our house, I wasn't home. These events led up to more scared alone time until I moved into a safer neighborhood with my mom. At the time, I was an awkwardly large kid that was afraid to put my feet on the ground when the lights were out because I didn't want to 1. step on a mouse or 2. have a mouse run over my foot. Although there were mice in the house, this never happened. Despite all of fear that I experienced when I was home alone, I've never considered a gun as a solution to help me feel more secure. I did grow up with a gun in the house, though. I don't think there were ever bullets to accompany it. Its purpose wasn't for protection, its role was more of a reminder of the harm that could come from them. This particular gun was the gun that my aunt used to commit suicide before I was born. Let me be clear; I will probably never have a gun in my house, but I'm not against there use by others. On the flip side, I doubt that I will ever be a gun advocate. I simply feel impartial on the topic. When my future brother-in-law, Nate asked me if I wanted to join him at a shooting rage a couple of days before his wedding, I was excited. As a gift to me for performing his wedding ceremony, he told me that he would also pay for me. I was even more excited.

Childish Letters From An Adult

One day, when I was looking for an empty folder that I could store one of the many recipes that I had been printing off for the Food Blog, I came across a folder that had some printouts of some things that I had written back in 1999. They were some crazy letters that were inspired by a series of 'Nut' books. In these books, a guy wrote a bunch of crazy letters to business that were funny to read. What was even better was the responses from these companies that had to treat them seriously. I thought that these were really funny and it inspired me to write a few letters of my own. I also addressed all of these letters from Dirk Williams. My thought was that not only was this a funny name, it was also a way that I could easily identify a response for one of these letters when it came in the mail. My first letter is as follows:

Left Handed Week

            Did you know that the word “sinister” originally meant left-handed? After centuries of negative association with left-handedness, it came to be associated with evil. Most people are familiar with the term ambidextrous, two right hands, but few have heard of ambisinistrous. This means two left hands, or clumsy or unskilled on both sides. I came across this word with my word of the day app, and it really stuck with me. I have always been fascinated with the fact that my dad writes with his right hand and draws with his left. It made me wonder how long it would take somebody to truly become dual-handed

Biggest Loser Finale

It is official; I am the Biggest Loser. In two months, I've lost 25.5 pounds (or 9.91%). As I've said many times, this was the second time that I participated in a Biggest Loser competition. The most significant difference between the two (besides me winning the $400 pot this time) is that this time around, I focused entirely on my diet. For as long as I can remember, my weight has fluctuated back and forth. It has been directly associated with how motivated I've been with dieting or working out. Losing weight has never been difficult for me, (although gaining it is still easier) it has always been keeping it off that was the tricky part for me.

10 Health Questions From A Cyclist

Adam: What do you do (Professionally)?
Paul Mostowyj: I work in insurance. Yuk! How boring is that? Does anyone actually dream as a kid of getting in to the insurance industry? I know I never did, but I must say as a claims manager I do enjoy my role and I don't get up in the morning and dread going to work.
Adam: What is one thing that you think that everybody should do for their health?
PM: Simply be active! If you have the option between moving and not moving, then MOVE! Instead of watching TV with the kids, take them to the park. Instead of driving to see family and friends, bike. Don't drive to your local shop, walk. Make it fun, go for a walk on the beach with a loved one, discover the hidden world of Geocaching, go dancing with your friends, plays sports and the list goes on and on. By being active you are keeping the body moving and exercising naturally.

10 Health Questions With A Doctor

Adam:  What do you do (Professionally)?

Chris Hogrefe: I split my time between practicing Emergency Medicine and Primary Care Sports Medicine in an academic, University setting.  I have the privilege of caring for some of the most ill people in our state on one day, and then caring for a wide-variety of athletes ranging from Division I athletes to 70 year-old Ironman participants to middle school kickball extraordinaires.  Sprinkle in a little healthcare information technology and one has loosely described my professional responsibilities.

Adam:   Are health-related New Year’s resolutions a good stepping stone or just Holiday Remorse?

CH: I actually do not think that New Year’s resolutions constitute “Holiday Remorse”.  A large number of people formulate health-related resolutions (specifically weight loss topping the list), which could certainly be construed as a reflex after binging on homemade cookies, turkey, etc. over the holidays.  But, if you focus on the frequently cited weight loss resolution, the fact of the matter is that obesity is a rapidly growing problem in the United States (Please excuse the pun.).  If you polled Americans on July 1^st for a Mid-New Year’s Resolution, contextually withdrawn from the calorie-laden holiday season, I surmise that weight loss or health-related resolutions would still top the list.  The start of a new year is simply a prime opportunity to wipe the slate clean and tackle the biggest issues in our lives that warrant improvement (Again, pardon the pun.).  Perhaps the most difficult issues to fix, and implement on a long-term basis, involve our health.

Biggest Loser Week 3

Week 3 is when things got serious. This is when I started juicing. And upped my total loss to 18 pounds. That puts my total percentage to 6.74%. I have found that juicing seems to be a polarizing activity. There are those that tell me not to do it because it isn't safe. There are those that tell me that it is cheating for the Biggest Loser Competition. And then there are those that commend me for doing something so challenging.

10 Questions From A Fit Person

Adam: What do you do (Professionally)
Rae Kane: Pipefitter

Adam: Are health-related New Year’s resolutions a good stepping stone or just Holiday Remorse?
RK: It's good to have goals but why wait till the new year to make them? I never have.

Adam: What is one thing that you think that everybody should do for their health?
RK: Your body is like a swimming pool, if you've never taken care of one you might not know what that means. But basically you have to balance your acidity with your alkalinity. So if you're too acidic you get sick. Alkaline comes mostly from green vegetables. Sugar and meats make you acidic. A miracle cure for just about everything (including cancer, because cancer is a fungus) is sodium bicarb (baking soda) ironically they use that in swimming pools too.

Biggest Loser Week 2

My weight is now down 3.74%. Leading up to this time, I had been letting myself go. By that, I mean that I was ignoring portioning and eating my favorite meat dishes. I would wake up with headaches, and my body hurt. I felt pretty miserable, and it made it easier to start dieting. As I saw last week as a buffer week, this week came easier than I expected.  There was no point during my first two weeks of dieting that I got tempted to eat meat. I guess that I’ve found my solace in cheese. On Tuesday, we went out to eat. Initially, I felt limited to where I could go, as there had to be an excellent vegetarian option. Then I realized

10 Health Questions From A Vegan

1.) What do you do (Professionally)?

I am a clerk in a very busy Emergency Room.

2.) Are health-related New Year’s resolutions a good stepping stone or just Holiday Remorse?

I think they can be a great stepping stone, especially with diet changes, since most of us have probably overindulged in ways we're not proud of during the holidays.  However, veganism is not a fad diet, entered into solely to lose weight.  You can begin a vegan diet for that reason, but I don't think you'll be able to stick to it, as a true lifestyle change, without having a deeper philosophical, ethical and/or health-related conception of it over the long haul, however you might personally define that.  The beginning of a new year though, when most of us in the northern U.S. are a bit more hermetic or introspective and have some time on our hands, would be an excellent time to begin.