Go To A Shooting Range

Before this excursion, I had never shot a gun in my life. That is, unless you count the BB gun that my brother got when he was thirteen. By the time that I got to shoot that gun, the barrel was bent and a BB ricocheted off of the garage that I had a target propped against and hit me in my shoulder. As a kid, I spent a lot of time home alone.  My worst fear was to have somebody attempt to break into the house while I was home. I would have imaginary knife fights while jumping off of the couch. When somebody eventually broke into our house, I wasn't home. These events led up to more scared alone time until I moved into a safer neighborhood with my mom. At the time, I was an awkwardly large kid that was afraid to put my feet on the ground when the lights were out because I didn't want to 1. step on a mouse or 2. have a mouse run over my foot. Although there were mice in the house, this never happened. Despite all of fear that I experienced when I was home alone, I've never considered a gun as a solution to help me feel more secure. I did grow up with a gun in the house, though. I don't think there were ever bullets to accompany it. Its purpose wasn't for protection, its role was more of a reminder of the harm that could come from them. This particular gun was the gun that my aunt used to commit suicide before I was born. Let me be clear; I will probably never have a gun in my house, but I'm not against there use by others. On the flip side, I doubt that I will ever be a gun advocate. I simply feel impartial on the topic. When my future brother-in-law, Nate asked me if I wanted to join him at a shooting rage a couple of days before his wedding, I was excited. As a gift to me for performing his wedding ceremony, he told me that he would also pay for me. I was even more excited.

The Driving Range

I have always thought of golf as a sport of riches. In fact, golf is the world’s richest sport. The winner of the FedEx Cup wins a cool ten million dollars. That is the highest individual payout for any sporting event in the world. To reach this point, a golfer must end the regular season ranked within the top 150 players. In 2011, Bob Estes was the lowest seeded player in the tournament. He ended the season earning $594,000. Needless to say, if you make the FedEx Cup, you are the rich getting richer.

There are a lot of costs associated with playing golf. There are the clubs, the balls, and the cost of either becoming a member of a course or just paying to play. And let’s not forget the cost to buy silly checkered, plaid and striped clothes that can only be worn while playing golf. There is one problem; I am cheap. Because I have always associated golf with wealth, I have never associated myself with the sport.

Build a Model Car

         When I was seven years old, my daycare decided to have a Secret Santa gift exchange. When it was my turn to open my gift, BJ Stoltze got really excited and started to hop on one foot.

            “You’re gonna like it,” he told me, eliminating the “secret” element. I pulled the wrapping away from the present and revealed a red plastic garage with two toy cars inside. This was surely not a Thundercat, He-man nor Transformer. “Pretty cool,” he told me. I felt like crying.

Model cars first appeared in the early 1900s as plaster or iron toys. They were designed for children and had no moving parts. In the ‘30s, popularity with the cars was at a fever pitch with military vehicle replicas. Then car companies started to build scale models that showcased their new product lines. In the 40s, banks started to give away model cars when somebody opened a new account. On the bottom, many read: “To help save for a rainy day, or to buy a new Chevrolet.”

Lubed Up and Ready To Go

Although I had never done it on my own, changing the oil in my car has always seemed like the car-oriented task that anybody could figure out how to do themselves. I thought it ranked slightly higher than adding gasoline on the difficulty scale. This is a bold statement from somebody that has little to no natural mechanical proficiency. That has never changed his own oil.

Beat the Heat. Sleep Outside.

Thousands of years ago, sleeping outside was a way of life, not an option. As the human race has become domesticated, we have moved back outside for entertainment. Perhaps people wouldn’t feel the draw of sleeping under the stars if it wasn’t for our ancestors. Camping didn’t become popular until the early 20^th century. This is, perhaps, because of the rising affluence of Americans, or because of the institutionalization of the national parks and recreation programs. These days, camping is usually associated with Boy Scouts, retirees, the homeless and people at music festivals. Not people that you would normally lump together.

Enjoy Watching A Sport That You Don't Care About

     
When I was eight years old, my dad took me to an I-Cubs game, a rare sporting event in my childhood. The I-Cubs are an AAA team that is the testing ground for the major league team, the Chicago Cubs. During the third inning, I turned to my dad and asked him when the game was going to start. That, in nutshell, describes my relationship with baseball.

            When I was twelve, I decided to join little league. I didn’t really know anything about baseball, but the concept was simple: hit the ball and run around the bases. Basically it was kickball with more danger. The first meeting was at a public park with dozens of kids. Granted, the neighborhood wasn’t too nice and I did notice that the grounds and fencing were a little shabby. What I didn’t notice was a drug deal happening on the corner as we were dividing up into teams. Needless to say, I didn’t get to go back. My baseball career ended before it had even started.

Relax With Straight Razors

      

            I don’t know a single person that enjoys shaving, outside of prepubescent children. To me, shaving is bi-weekly preventative maintenance. What does it prevent? It prevents me from looking unkempt, disheveled and homeless. Although I had never heard of a hot towel shave, I was excited when my brother-in-law, Mike offered to treat me to one. It was the last bit of maintenance on his wedding day. While there were four of us (Mike, his dad, Big Mike, my dad and myself ) that participated in the shave, only two of us (Big Mike and myself) were full participants, as to the fact that the other two were sporting a full beard.

            The place that we went to was called Floyd’s. In my mind, this immediately gave an old-timey feel. I imagined a small, dusty, dirty shop with only three barber chairs. The kind that has a pedal that you pump to raise the chair and a second pedal to release and lower the seated. This metal chair would also have a knob next to the hip of the person sitting down that allows the chair to lay flat.

Make Your Wife Happy With A Week Of Servitude

The manliest thing that a guy can do is be a good husband and father. That is why I decided to give Leigha a break. For an entire week, I did all of the errands and chores. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, washed dishes and even let out the dog. While Dude didn’t care who hooked him up to his leash, it turns out that it was difficult for Leigha to sit there and do nothing. I repeatedly cut her off or stopped her from doing extra work. I intended to give her a week where she didn’t have to worry about doing any of those annoying things that everybody hates, but we all have to do it anyways. Every Saturday night, Leigha watches the kids by herself while I work. Once a month she does this on both Friday and Saturday. I figured that it was the least that I could do by giving her an entire week.

The only stipulation that I had made was that the cleaning list had to be agreed upon before the week. That way, I knew exactly how to plan out my week and not be bombarded with new projects every day.

Look Homeless After A Month

For as long as I can remember, my Dad has had a full beard. Each winter, he grows it out for his Santa Claus costume, where you can stick a finger through it and never touch his face. I honestly have never understood the attraction with beards, unless you are overweight and you can hide how fat your face is. That being said, this is not the first time that I’ve had a beard. Back in 2002, I went to Europe with my brother, Arik and my little sister, Heather. For five weeks, we had an itinerary that looked like this: Days one and two, Madrid. Final Day, Madrid. Besides that, we had no concrete plans of which cities/countries to visit, or how long we would stay.

At some point during this trip, I lost my razor. I decided that I wouldn’t buy another one, thus came a beard. Shortly after I returned to the United States, I started to date my wife. At the time, she told me that she liked my beard. It wasn’t until later that I found out that she liked it because it hid my double chin.