Have Fun Watching Guys In Tights

One day, my mom called me up and told me that she was going to go to see a performance of the Lion King and asked if we wanted to join her. She said that she would buy Leigha’s ticket for a birthday present. The kids love animals and singing, so it seemed as if it would be a perfect fit. It didn’t hurt that everything that I had read/heard from people said that it was a great show.

As it turns out, this adventure started out as Mother Nature versus my mom. The day of the performance, we woke up to blizzard conditions and school closings. Traveling wasn’t advised. What do you do? Activate the 4x4 in the Murano, load up a two and three-year-old and drive 107.67 miles a bit more cautiously. I should confess here that it wasn’t really the day of a blizzard, but the day after a blizzard. The roads weren’t ideal, but they were just classified as “snow-covered.” It was a good thing that significant interstates are first in line to get plowed. In reality, it was the wind that caused the most concern as I was driving. It wasn’t until we got to Des Moines that the snow became an issue.

I’ve realized that I have become spoiled by a small town that takes care of the snow on everybody’s sidewalk. It’s a slight touch that feels like you have an awesome neighbor that helps you out. In fact, sometimes my neighbors do feel sorry for me and come over with their absolutely too-large-to-be-worth-it snow blowers and help finish my driveway off for me in a few passes. Ninety percent of the time that I shovel, I hope that somebody will come over and help me. One hundred percent of the time that this actually does happen, I appreciate it. Then I think to myself, “How the Hell do they fit that in their garage next to their riding lawn mower? What do they do with it in the summer? How can you pay $1,099 (no joke, cheapest one at Lowe’s) for something that you hope that you never have to use?”

Once we got into Des Moines, we took advantage of their fantastic skywalk system. Since I’ve moved away, I’ve forgotten about the positives of the city. Essentially, you can get anywhere you want in the downtown area without having to go outside. When it has snowed several inches overnight, and the temperature is hovering near zero, one can really appreciate the engineering practicality of such a feature. As we got closer to the Des Moines Civic Center, we start pumping up the kids for the performance. “You guys ready to see some animals? And hear some singing?”

When we got in the building, we met up with my mom and stepdad and proceeded to our seats. I handed my ticket to the usher and started to walk toward the auditorium when she held up her hand.

“I need a ticket for him, too,” she says, pointing at Tate.

“He’s only three, so he doesn’t need a ticket,” I told her and started walking forward again. She held up her hand up, again.

“He needs a ticket too, even if he is a lap child.”

At this point, there are a lot of things running through my head. Doesn’t she see how cute these kids are? How can she say no to them? Am I going to have to tell the kids that we can’t go to the show? I thought mom said that kids were free. Both of these ushers look like they are at least fifty. I could take both of them in a fight, no problem. Why does this stuff always happen to me? I turned around as Leigha is stepped towards me. She looked confused.

“They won’t let the kids in without tickets,” I told her.

Long story short, if you buy tickets through a third party, there are some things that you should call the venue to check on. As in every part of my life, kids are not free.

Once inside, our seats were separated into three sections. I took Tate with me, Emery and Leigha sat directly behind us, and Mom and Dave sat farther down the row from them. I looked around at the empty seats (approximately half of them) when I heard a woman say that a bunch of schools were supposed to come that day, but because school was closed, none of them came. I looked at Leigha with that did you hear that look. I felt sorry for the cast. Half of their crowd is gone.

“You know those tickets were non-refundable. Those schools are out all of that money.” Leigha said, always the practical one.

The lights dimmed, and people in animal costumes lined the stairways down to the stage. “Elephant!” Tate said, filled with excitement. “Giraffe. Rhino-aus-er-ous.

.” As he sat in my lap, identifying all the animals, I looked over at Leigha and saw that Emery was sleeping in her lap.”

I’m not going to re-enact the play, as it is a familiar story. In fact, I think that my familiarity with the story allowed me to marvel at the production aspects of the show. Man, that guy must be ripped from walking with stilts on all fours all week long. That costume seems practical for running and jumping around. I wonder if there are grooves and prop holes in the floor. Several of these questions are part of the spectacle that has made this production such a success. Others, I attribute to my film studies. That’s an interesting use of lights. How do they make that staircase mobile but stable? Does it have wheels and people inside pushing it? Then the actors froze, and the curtain dropped abruptly.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are experiencing technical difficulties. This will take a few moments, and we will continue the show.”

After intermission, Emery was wide awake, and Tate fought off sleep until ten minutes before the show ended. The second half I found my attention divided between the new and, in my opinion, inferior songs and Leigha trying to shush Emery.

“Scar, I’ve returned.”
 “I’ve got a booger.”

“But you died.”

“I can feel it in my nose.”

“I’m here to claim what is rightfully mine.”

“My feet are cold.”

“You have killed these lands.”

“I love you, Mommy.”

I can see why this show has been so successful. It indeed is an experience to behold. The costumes. The singing. The movement and dancing. Despite falling asleep at various points, the show was entertaining to both adults and the kids that were trying to stay awake. Neither of the kids realized that they had missed chunks of the show. All that they know was that they had a lot of fun watching the elephants, giraffes and the rhino-aus-er-ous.